Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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