My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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