I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize