i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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