I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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