It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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