I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
