No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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