Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just want nice things and good sex
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
