he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Green mimosas i think yes
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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