He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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