You're my little dorito
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
