there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
