he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
