btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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