listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize