its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
