nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
