so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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