okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize