i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
