did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize