My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
