she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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