One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
