My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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