i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
