i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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