No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
