The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I have demons in me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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