the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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