I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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