Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
