I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
