feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
