jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
