U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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