Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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