I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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