just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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