he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
