i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
