well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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