I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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