i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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