Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
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