why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
