It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
