Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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