barbara walters just said penis...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
