Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize
