Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
