I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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