Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
