Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize