dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
