I think my vagina is haunted
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
