so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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