Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
