sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize