So drunk its hurt
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
