what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
