The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
