I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Pants are for mortals
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
