They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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