Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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