I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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