So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
if only i could text you this smell
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
