Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
