It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I queefed so loud it echoed.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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