I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
