Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
